Saturday, July 5, 2014

Mourning Time

We do a lot of mourning in life - when someone dies, when important chapters in our lives end or change or when you husband leaves you for a pregnant chain-smoking cunt (Oops, did that sound angry?  I swear I don't care I'm glad I'm not married to him anymore).  But we don't as often take the time or honor the importance of mourning the small stuff.

Since we moved to Key West last September Mark swears that I'm way crabbier and bitcher than I ever have been.  And its true, I'm hung up, most days I struggle to really find joy in my new home.  First, the lack of what most people consider to be shitty  weather - rain, clouds and cold, seems to be getting to me the most.  I knew when we moved here that my least favorite kind of weather was sunny, blue sky weather, the kind we have here constantly, but I really just thought I would get used to it.  I haven't.  I swear I'm trying to pass it off that I have Summer On-set Seasonal Affective Disorder but no one really believes me.  Then when you throw in the factors of missing important events back home and being over a thousand miles away from your besties, the ones who help you deal with your emotions, and well, shit - it's depressing.

Mostly its the things, both mentally and physically, that I'm holding on to that trigger it.   Once, just one freakin time I wanted to look at some clothes on the shopping site and now I forever get emails from them.  I could simply unsubscribe to them - but honestly I like looking.  But then, as happened the other day I saw a pair of leather boots.  It took me by surprise how much I wanted them, loved them. They were beautiful and wonderful. But where the fuck in Key West would I wear them.   It instantly put me into a REALLY bad mood.  I couldn't be helped.  I was depressed because I didn't need boots and I don't know if or when I ever will again.

 Why would I need boots when  I couldn't even save my favorite black leather flats because did I mention that when my favorite wet and/or cold weather rolls in I can't really enjoy it because I'm too busy trying to keep everything we own - from our shoes and couches to our spices and picture frames from growing mold.

I still have two boxes and one drawer of winter clothes here.  The heavy duty stuff is still back home in my parents basement.  In the bottom drawer of my dresser I keep my jeans, a few long sleeve tees and a few light jackets and sweatshirts.  And you know what?  I hardly needed them last winter.  For a few days it was in the 50's but seriously, that's hardly cold.  The other two boxes still sit untouched.  Then why do I keep them when space is at such a premium? Because I love them.  They are my winter favorites - pants and dresses and sweaters and jackets.  I just can't bear to let them go in the hopes that someday I will live somewhere cold.

These are the things I need to mourn.  Holding on to them is a constant reminder of the things I don't have right now.  Then I get so busy thinking of what I don't have that I can't be bothered to spend time thinking of what I do have.

I think that maybe if I take the time to really grieve for all the little things and nuances from my old life that I really miss that I can make room for new things that will find their way in.  By the way, me writing this is not me saying that I am currently grieving for those little things - I'm not ready.  I'm making my way from depression to acceptance.  So one of these days I might just have a little breakdown, or a big one where I just sob uncontrollably and inconsolably, about all the boots and coats and cloudy cold days that could have been and then, I hope, I will move on.

Friday, July 4, 2014


We can't choose all of the circumstances in our lives. Our families are chosen before birth, we are born in a certain place in a certain time and under a certain set of cultural influences.  These things are what they are and we have to grow from there.

One of the most important freedoms we have is choosing who our friends are.  We are able to filter through all of the people we meet to find those amazing few with whom we connect in a deep way, can share our true selves and value the opinions  and insights they return to us.  It is important to choose them carefully - they are your sounding board for how you see the world and often the frame through which the world sees you.

Making new friends is as important as keeping the old - each person meets you and learns you (and loves you) from who you are at that moment in time.  Old friends offer insights colored from an intimate knowledge of your history while the new form opinions colored by your emotional zeitgeist without a hint of baggage.

What a wonderful world where we have the freedom to choose our friends!

In honesty I stole this picture from the Really Really Blog.  Learn more about that night HERE.
I have a few more folks in mind who I'd love to add pics of that I just don't have right now - so I'll be sure to add them when I can.

EDIT: February 14, 2015

I took this pic on my last day at my job in Key West.  I miss these girls greatly.  I've never loved a job so much or had so many laughs day in and day out.  I was so lucky to find such amazing friends on that tiny island so far from everywhere.

Another partially blurry pic taken by a man.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

What's in a name?

Sometimes people ask me, "Why Peace and Plastic?"

Peace and Plastic is about balancing extremes. It's about falling somewhere between a peace-loving, mother-earth-worshipping hippie and a shiny plastic citizen of the future.

When I started this blog I wanted it to be about my adventures being "green" - so trendy, I know - but then I realized that I'm really not green enough to peddle earth guilt to everyone who doesn't wipe their butt with rags and occasionally forgets a reusable shopping bag.  I would have been living a lie. So I eased up, looked at my real life and decided that was pretty awesome on its own - just the way it is.  From writing my very first post, I enjoyed capturing my real life - crafts, nail polish, nachos and men.  This was in the hope that I could present here a more real story of my life - a story of someone who does the best she can for mother earth but still likes to get the plastic bags from the grocery store because what else am I going to use to hold the cat poop when I clean the litter box.   I don't believe in all or nothing, black or white or any similar one or the other, no shades of gray philosophy.

I know Peace because I love making my own laundry detergent, washing my hair with baking soda (I'll seriously never go back), moisturising with coconut or olive oil, air drying my clothes, recycling and generally doing what I can to reduce waste and my tread on the earth.  These are things that I enjoy doing and I feel in no way are a burden to my life or my time.  I feel they enhance it.

But wow do I love Plastic - convenience and stuff.  I love to shop and consume. I don't reuse plastic baggies (though I try not to use too many) or foil.  I use a lot of foil.  I even love it when occasionally I get a break from riding my bike to work so that mark can drive me. Oh, and Amazon Prime? Yes, please.

I think about every decision I make with the overall intention of being respectful of our resources - but if only 7 out of 10 choices make it - its still a passing grade, right?

Peace and Plastic and whatever story it tells has served as a wonderful "diary" of the last few years that I think I will forever enjoy looking back on and having this memoir is what encourages me to keep writing (though not as often as I wish I would) and trying to capture more and more of my real life.   I am forever grateful to Jamie of the ReallyReallyBlog for convincing me to start blogging.  Love you Jamie!